I have a love problem...Do you?

I just realized I have a bit of a love problem...

In my quiet time with God yesterday morning (and don't think too highly of me, because making TIME for that quiet time has been a constant struggle since I became a mom...but I'm finally getting a bit of a handle on it!)....ANYWAY, in my quiet time yesterday morning, my focus verse was John 14:21.  As always, I'm so thankful that God's Word is living and personal and always reaching out, for I had read this verse many times over the course of my Christian walk, but this time something grabbed me.  The verse says

"He that has my commandments, and keeps them, he it is that loves me, and he that loves me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest (show) myself to him."

I read this verse over, and over, and over.  I felt, well, heartsick. I felt like Peter must have when Jesus looked at him and asked point-blank - "Do you love me?" 
I asked myself first, Am I keeping God's commandments?  Then I thought, Okay, give yourself a break, that's a little over-ambitious...Am I TRYING to keep His commandments?

This verse, in Jesus' words, clearly states that those that keep his commandments are the ones that love him.  No getting around it, no making excuses. 
IF I truly love God, then I WILL obey Him, not just in following the letter of the law, but following the spirit of the command as well.  If I have an obedience problem, well, then I really have a love problem.
Deeply and honestly looking within myself, I had to admit it, I have a love problem.  

For the most part, I obey God's commands. I do!  But really, honestly, it depends on how much it's going to cost ME!  How trivial and UN-LOVING is that? 
Take my quiet time, my study time, for example...
I have a hard time making time for it, mostly because I don't want to get up earlier and cost myself the extra sleep!  Then when I do, I'm so tempted to rush through it so I can do other things that are pulling at my time.  My quiet time feels more like a duty, a job, than a relationship.  And it aught not to be so!

My husband is coming home early from work today.  When he called a while ago to tell me, I was so excited! So thrilled at the extra time that we would get to spend with each other today...because I love him, and I WANT to spend time with him.  I should get that excited - No! MORE excited about getting to spend time with my Savior!  If not, then I have a love problem. My relationship with God should determine everything that I do.  God is love (1 John 4:16), and my total trust in God's love is crucial to how I follow his commands...which encompasses the last part of our beginning verse -

"He that has my commandments, and keeps them, he it is that loves me, and he that loves me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest (show) myself to him."

Oh, the promises of God! The hope and joy they bring to me! And this is one of them!  Jesus says here that if we love him and follow his commands, then he will love us and show himself to us! 

I want to see him! 

I want to see him at work in every second of my life!  

I want to talk to him and know that he's right there beside me!  

I want that close, personal, loving relationship with the God of the Universe!  But first, I have to love him!  To me there's a difference in loving someone, and being IN LOVE with someone!  I love my friends and family members, but I'm IN LOVE with my husband!  I long to spend time with him, to hold his hand, to see him smile at me...  

I know that I love God.  I really do.  But am I also IN LOVE with Him?

Obedience is the outward expression of my love for God, and the reward for that is that Jesus will manifest himself within my life!  What an honor!
So, I guess that means next time I'm at the grocery store and I feel that tugging voice in my heart that says "Ask that woman if she knows Me" or when I see that lady that lives down the street taking her dog on it's daily walk and I hear "Go invite her to church"...well, that's a command, a command from the one that I love.  And if I truly love Him, then I will obey!  If not, then I need to fix my love problem!

How about you? Do you have a relationship with God?  Do you have a love problem with him?  How do I know, you think?  Well, do you see him working in your life?  Do you see him being manifest, shown, everyday?  If not, then maybe you're like me.  But we can fix it!  Just spend time with Him and obey Him!

Adventures in Potty Training: The Pee Pee Roller Coaster

Adventures in Potty Training!


Potty training is my nemesis. “Pull-ups” mock me with their empty promises and this Winnie the Pooh potty chair does nothing to encourage actual poo!

Kids will definitely “do it” when they are ready…and not a moment sooner!

Why is it, though, that it makes us, as parents, feel like a failure when we see other kids, younger kids, who are already potty trained? Parents will always tell other parents that “well, kids do it when they’re ready”, but are we not secretly thinking that they must not be working with their child correctly? Come on, be honest! You know you’ve had that thought when you see a kid wearing a diaper that is older than your already potty trained child!

Today my house is spotted with towels that have mopped up pee puddles and little pee foot prints. My daughter and I have begun the Pee Pee Roller Coaster!

My son, Caynin (who is 5 years old now), and I went through this same ritual 2 years ago. I started working with him when he was about two and a half and he would have NONE of it. At the time, I was 5 months pregnant and had at first thought it would be nice to have him out of diapers before the new baby came along. However, following many a pee-spotted frustrating day I quickly decided that he simply wasn’t ready and had a tiny fear that, even if we succeeded now, possibly he would default back after the new baby came for attention purposes! Eight months later, after Caynin’s sister, London, was born and he seemed to be acclimating well to her arrival in our family, we tried it again!

My methods changed on weekly basis over the following seven long, long months. We tried the sticker chart and using pull-ups with his favorite characters, we tried buying underwear and telling him Diego did not want to get wet, we tried the rubber underpants and the reward system, we tried the “make Elmo go potty” routine and all the DVD’s, and finally we tried buying a gumball machine and letting him put a penny in and get a gumball every time he used the potty like a big boy! That last one actually worked the best, but I’m not sure if it was because it was best method for him or because we had simply worked at it for so long! During those final weeks there was pee everywhere! He peed in his car seat so many times we finally quit washing it and just threw it away and got a new one and took the padding off! He peed in his bed at least 4 times per week, and peed in his pants in public so often that we carried complete changes of clothing in the diaper bag at all times! The final clincher, though, came not from me, the Mommy who had worked unerringly with him for so long while taking care of my newborn daughter, but from his Daddy! Peter promised Caynin one day that if he could go a whole week without an accident then they would camp out in the backyard, just them two! Bam! The week flew by and on Friday night, Peter spent three hours setting up the tent and getting snacks and fixing an extension cord so they could plug up a fan and bring out the laptop to watch movies. They stayed out there for all of two hours before Caynin lovingly looked at his Daddy and said, “Ok, I’m ready to go in and go to bed now!” But, hey, at least our potty problem had been mightily improved upon!

Now, two years later, I’m back at it again! I just knew London was going to catch on so much quicker because she learns so much from watching her big brother! She started telling me when she was 22 months old when she had pooped and could I please change her diaper? I told myself, Oh, it will be so much easier now because I know what it takes and I can do this and she will be ready! But, what was it I said earlier? Oh yes…

Kids will definitely “do it” when they are ready…and not a moment sooner!

London, my dear sweet smart little girl, just told me that she pooped in her diaper because she was tired of sitting on the potty. Of course! But three hours ago, she pooped in the potty and was so excited about it. Oh, the roller coaster these little ones put us on! When I step in pee for the seventh time in one day, it’s so hard not to lose my temper. I put on what I now call my “Duggar Smile” (inspired by 20,000 kids and counting Mom on TLC) and mop up the pee and try to ignore the fact that I have urine on the bottom of jeans legs and remind myself to wear shorts tomorrow.

With kids, it’s always about the goals your reaching for tomorrow. I must remind myself that this little person that God has entrusted into my care will grow and develop into exactly who He wants her to be. My job is to guide her along the way, and to be a positive example…even if that involves stepping in pee puddles and getting excited about poop when it lands in the potty and not in a diaper!

Tomorrow it starts all over again. I thought she would never learn to walk…but she did. I thought she would never talk in complete sentences, but she does. One day, I’m sure I’ll think, I don’t think she’ll ever learn to write her name, or ride a bike, or drive a car…but she will! My job is to teach her.

And, so tomorrow, I will wear shorts (and possibly roll up the rug!) and get ready to step in some pee as I guide my daughter one day at a time along this roller coaster of our lives together. Because, sometimes, you gotta step in a little pee to make it to the potty!

My Church doesn't mind your junk!

My church is different…mostly in the fact that it doesn't mind that you have junk!


My church is different from most churches…and that’s makes most people automatically suspicious, and some people even angry! Some people have already stopped reading this, because they have pre-conceived notions about my church. I know, because I used to be one of those people!

But what I wonder is why we, as people, are automatically so untrusting of things that are different? Jesus was definitely “different” during his time. He spoke things that went against what some of the spiritual leaders were teaching, he did things that went against tradition, and he performed and taught using unconventional methods. Those differences, well, they scared most “spiritual” people around Jesus.

My church is Grace Community Church. Now see, immediately, some people think, “Oh, it’s one of those non-denominational churches”, because of the name. But it’s not. I say, giving your denominational affiliation within the name of your church is a traditional practice…and again, not necessarily one that Jesus himself used, nor instigated. When he came, preaching the name of his Father and salvation, he did not align himself with a particular group of people. He was what he was, and he allowed his actions to speak louder than words, or a title. I believe that one of the reasons for this was because people outside of the Jewish faith (Gentiles, Samaritans, Ethiopians and even Romans and many others) already had opinions of the Jewish spiritual rulers and Pharisees of the day, and it was not an overall positive one. I believe that today, it is the same way. The very people that we, as Christ-followers, should be trying our hardest to reach are immediately turned off by the self-capitulating titles that we give ourselves. If you were to ask most “non-Christian” people to come to your church and you told them you go to such-and-such Baptist church, or this-and-that Methodist church (you get the point!) I guarantee that a picture of what your church is automatically pops into their head. You should try it yourself…and be honest now! I’ll say a denomination and you focus on the first picture you get in your mind!

1. Independent Baptist

2. Southern Baptist

3. Methodist

4. Pentecostal

5. Catholic

6. Church of Christ

Now, did you, or did you not, think of a specific “cookie-cutter” mold of each of those churches and what the people inside them looked and acted like? In Jesus’ time, I think the same was true. A Gentile would look at Jew and think, they would never accept me, I don’t look like them, I don’t act them, I don’t know all the spiritual things that they know, and they would walk away, intimidated and unchanged. Jesus used radical methods to reach outcasts of society, but we’re afraid to use radical methods today. If we break outside of our traditional mold, well, it’s just not done. Too many churches that I know of state that they have an open door policy and that they love people and want to reach the world for Christ. However when someone walks through their door on Sunday and isn’t dressed “right”, or has too many tattoos or piercings, or is blatantly living in sin, the churches first priority is to change that person, with a focus more on the outward than the inward. It makes us uncomfortable to have someone “different” in our midst. Again, why is that?

And that is where my church is different. We don’t go around broadcasting who we are; we say we are the church, come check out who we are and what we are about. And what we are about is following God’s Word, following Jesus’ examples, and seeing others give their life over to do the same. Doctrinally, Grace is a like a Baptist church, but people-wise it is like no church I have ever been to before! Someone once asked me, didn’t I think that would keep “Baptistic” people from coming to the church because they wouldn’t know it held to Baptist doctrine. My reply was, well maybe, but we’re more concerned about reaching the lost sheep than the ones who already know Who they belong to! Either we can give ourselves a “spiritual header” and scare away the ones who don’t feel like they fit under it, or we can walk into town simple and humble like Jesus did, and draw the curious to us because they DON’T already have those preconceived ideas. Think about it, if Jesus had carried a sign around that said “I’m teaching you things that the Chief Priests and Pharisees have been teaching you of”…how many thousands do you think would have followed him then? I dare say none. I’m not saying all churches are like the “Chief Priests and Pharisees”, but I’m saying our goal should be to reach real people and to be real people ourselves. I don’t fix myself all up and wear a dress any other day, why should I be different on the one day I come to serve God? He sees me as I am every other day of the week…if you ask me, I think we should humble ourselves down, dress in “sackcloth and ashes” and take the focus off of us and put it where it belongs. Read the scripture below, it’s a prime example of what I’ve been saying.

Matthew 9


1And he entered into a ship, and passed over, and came into his own city.
2And, behold, they brought to him a man sick of the palsy, lying on a bed: and Jesus seeing their faith said unto the sick of the palsy; Son, be of good cheer; thy sins be forgiven thee.
3And, behold, certain of the scribes (“spiritual” peeps!) said within themselves, This man blasphemeth.
4And Jesus knowing their thoughts said, Wherefore think ye evil in your hearts?
5For whether is easier, to say, Thy sins be forgiven thee; or to say, Arise, and walk?
6But that ye may know that the Son of man hath power on earth to forgive sins, (then saith he to the sick of the palsy,) Arise, take up thy bed, and go unto thine house.
7And he arose, and departed to his house.
8But when the multitudes saw it, they marvelled, and glorified God, which had given such power unto men.
9And as Jesus passed forth from thence, he saw a man, named Matthew, sitting at the receipt of custom: and he saith unto him, Follow me. And he arose, and followed him.
10And it came to pass, as Jesus sat at meat in the house, behold, many publicans and sinners came and sat down with him and his disciples.
11And when the Pharisees saw it, they said unto his disciples, Why eateth your Master with publicans and sinners?
12But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.
13But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Jesus’ words right there in verse 12 say it all…”They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick.”

My church is different. We reach out to the sick. We are not a church that focuses on those that are “whole”. We welcome them with love, the un-hindered, compassionate love that says, like Jesus, Come as you are, come sit down at my table with me, let me teach you and minister to you, just as you are…and IF an inward transformation takes place it resonates on the outside, then great! But I don’t care about the outside, what matters is what’s different on the inside!

My church is different on the inside. I hope you’ll come one day and see that for yourself!

Summed Up (I'm sharing some of my poetry today!)

Summed Up

walking

smiling

strolling

laughing

first love

first date

I do’s

life mate

skipping

loving

happily

giving

first home

first child

less sleep

bills piled

dragging

mulling

drudging

pulling

more kids

more stress

more debt

more duress

crawling

pleading

everyone

needing

years gone

figure’s gone

kids gone

future yawns

renewing

rebuilding

restoring

rekindling

flames lost

strangers two

struggling now

love anew

leaning

learning

spinning

turning

empty nest

full life

more time

less strife

resting

playing

dizzily

swaying

traveling here

going there

new freedom

simple cares

drooping

graying

edges

fraying

care dependent

less mobile

arthritic now

bones fragile

waiting

breathing

slipping

dreaming

body betraying

losing breath

closing eyes

welcoming death

Sharp Turn Ahead!

Don't you hate it when you're driving down a road, just cruising along (ok, probably speeding in my case, but don’t tell Peter!), when seemingly out of nowhere the road suddenly veers to the left or right. You quickly slam the brakes and jerk the steering wheel, trying desperately to keep the vehicle from careening into nearby bushes or (Lord help us) a bricked-in mailbox, while you navigate around the curve! Your heartbeat accelerates and you sigh in relief when the road straightens back out and you realize you avoided disaster! However, the most annoying thing about this to me is that I always realize too late that there WAS a sign that warned me of the impending disappearing act the road was about to make, but I was too distracted to notice!


The other day when this very thing happened to me (and I swear I wasn’t speeding, Peter!), I thought in the aftermath how like life that is to me more often than I care to admit! There I am, cruising along in my day-to-day life, speeding through my days, cramming everything in that I can when, out of nowhere, WHAM! I hit a curve that I’m not ready for. I stress out, worrying about losing control, and try to figure out the best way to handle it…when all along, God is whispering in my ear, “I told you this was coming, but you were too distracted to get ready for it”. With a big sigh toward heaven, I remember too late glancing at that “Sharp Curve Ahead” sign on side of my life-road! Why didn’t I pay attention? Well, it was probably a number of things! Namely that I just get too caught up in “driving” down my road of life, living busily in the moment, that I forget to look for the directions God is giving me that may change things up. I definitely handle the curves better when I’m ready and paying attention so that I can correctly prepare my vehicle to handle it, without stress, worry or fear.

Those “sharp curves” in our lives, those times that alter the direction we thought our life was going in, well, they’re part of His grand plan. Even though it may shake us up a little, it may not be where we THOUGHT we would be, we have to realize that God sees the road ahead of us far more clearly and he wants to guide us and direct us on it. I accept that, and it know it will get me to the destination He can best use me in, and the place that’s best for me. On this 16th anniversary of the day God greatly altered MY PLAN for my life by giving me new life in Him, I am overwhelmed by the “sharp curves” that have protected me, guided me, led me, and graced me with the life that I have today. Sometimes I was watching for the warning sign and the curve was handled well, and sometimes I was caught up in myself, and the curve seemed to sneak up on me and was a little bumpy! I don’t like the bumpy curves, but I do know how to be prepared for them! I have to slow down, not get a big hurry, or think I always know where I’m going…I have to drive down this road of life, listening to my Navigator, and being aware of the directions and warnings He’s giving me. I love the journey He takes me on, and I can’t wait to see where it will lead me tomorrow…maybe there’s another “sharp curve” up ahead!

Play "Catch-Up"

Sometimes I feel like my days, and my life, are very normal; very uncomplicated. They’re just days, that flow and flow, and the new ones chase the old one away uneventfully.


But most days…most days feel very complicated. Very rushed. Very stressed. And most days are over much too quickly! Where does our time go? Most days I feel like I am constantly playing “catch-up”. Catch up on the laundry, catch up on the house cleaning, catch up on the bills and the “to do” lists that never get done! Catch up on teaching the kids (will London EVER learn to walk?), giving them baths, going through their clothes they’ve outgrown and figuring out what they need more of for the coming season, injecting quality learning experiences into the day, and when did I last cut their fingernails? And the list goes on and on…and on.

When I first brought my newborn baby boy home from the hospital and gazed at him adoringly as a new parent, I never would have seen myself in such a bedraggled overweight and under-rested state as I am now four and a half years later. Someone wisely told me to treasure these years, because they fly by. I didn’t know the rate at which they flew was the speed of light and that they fly whether you fly with them or not! Time stands still for no one…unfortunately not even a mom!

The years certainly have flown by at an alarming speed. When I look back, I can’t believe that I met the man of my dreams, got married, adopted a crazy hyper dog and already have 2 kids! It literally seems like yesterday that I first said a laughing hello to my husband as he bowed before me saying “I’m not worthy!” (No, that’s another story!). Now it is 7 years later, we’ve been married for six and a half years, and, WOW! Where did the time go? How does that happen? One second you’re single and only responsible for yourself, and you think you want so much more and then you blink and BAM! You’re a stressed out mess that’s responsible for 3 other people AND yourself, and you never completely have time for any of them and your time is now your own worst enemy.

Some moments, when the house is a complete mess, the checking account hasn’t been balanced in a week, the kids are arguing with each other, the dog is leaving muddy paw prints on my floors, and I’m trying to fix lunch, clean off the table, referee the kids’ argument, corral the dog and talk on the phone to Daddy all at the same time AND I haven’t showered for three days, I have to honestly ask myself – Is this what you expected?

Honestly, the answer is no. But who ever expects their life to turn out the way it does? The more important question is, Am I happy with my life? Yes. I love my husband, I love my kids (and yes, I love the dog too, on occasion!). We’re not destitute, we’re not seriously ill, we’re not lacking in anything. And yet, somehow, we’re not satisfied either?

Why can’t we just stop our crazy whirlwind of activity, and enjoy the simpler things in life? If we have less, well, then there would probably be less to “catch up” on. Less TV shows I just had to watch, less bills to pay (can I get a woot-woot?!), less phone calls to make, less places to go.

The other night, me and my husband and kiddos turned on some funky music and danced around the living room, laughing and being silly, and just stopping for a minute in the craziness of life to spend time together. It was pure bliss. I want more days, and more times, just like that one. Why am I not satisfied? Well, maybe it’s because I want a less complicated life. No more catching up on this and that. Just doing the things that need done and enjoying the moments as the come. If we have a free minute, why must we shove something else in it to get done? Why can’t it just be a free moment? I want my free moments. But in order to get them, I know I must first get rid of the things that cost me those moments of playing catch-up. So the real question is, is the sacrifice worth it? Oh my, yes! Because time flies by, and you have to make the time to be on board when it does! Make the first class payment (sacrifice) and catch up with the flight of your life, and then stay on board!