Friday, May 20, 2016

Duct Tape Can't Fix Stupid Mistakes


Months ago, while decorating for a party, I made a mistake. I decided to use duct tape to hold up some of the decorations on the wall! DUCT tape. I knew it was bad idea. I knew (mostly because, let's just be real, I have done this before! Give me a break, I'm a slow learner!)..anyway, I knew that it would most likely remove the paint from the wall when I took it down! But, at the time, it was a chance I was willing to take to accomplish what I wanted. I was short on time and big on ideas. I wanted what I wanted. I thought, I'll be careful, I'll only put a little, I won't push it down hard, and I'll remove it slowly. I had a plan.

But, you know what? Dumb ideas don't care what our plans are!

When it came time to remove those pieces of duct tape, my mistake was glaringly obvious.  Yes, the paint came off with the tape. I had open, ugly marks on my wall that screamed "SHE MADE A STUPID MISTAKE!"

Now, one of the reasons this was so stupid was because this wall was this color when we moved in, and we do not have any touch up paint!

But, I had another plan.  COVER IT UP! I would peel the paint pieces off the tape and glue them back to the wall! It would cover up the blemish.  At some point we are planning to repaint these walls, so it doesn't have to be a long term fix. Well, if you ever wondered, you can't glue paint chips back onto a wall. It worked for a while, but they kept falling off. One day I think I accidentally vacuumed them up! Or the dogs ate them? Who knows. 

All I knew was that I hated the reminder each day of what I done. The reminder of my choice for a quick fix.

So, new plan. DISGUISE IT and HIDE IT!  On one wall the section missing was rather large and I had already planned to hang home decor there anyway, so I went ahead and strategically hung wall decor so no one would notice my blemish! The other wall, though, the smaller blemish was in a much harder area. It would look funny if I hung something there. It would almost call more attention to the spot. It would just make it weird.

But, then, inspiration struck! What do I use to hide blemishes on my face? Makeup! I suddenly thought, it would be easy to mix colors to dab on that spot and camouflage the blemish! So that's what I did! And it worked! For while...

Tonight, I looked at the missing paint, where my disguise is starting to wear off, and I sighed. I thought, I really just need to set aside the time and do the hard work of sanding it and it's ugly friends down and then repaint the whole room. 

Suddenly, I was struck by this thought: Mistakes in life are a lot like this.

We do something that we know we shouldn't do. We have seen the results before of rash decisions. We know the same actions won't yield different results. But we want what we want, when we want it, so we do it anyway.

Then it comes time to make it back like it was. 
But the damage has already been done and the blemish is already there.
So we panic.  And we get mad at ourselves, because, darn it, we knew better!  And we fret.  And then we try to cover it up and go on like it never happened.  We keep gluing that piece back in place. But those broken pieces just keep falling back off. Because they're broken and cannot be glued back on.  It's a temporary fix.  Our mistake just will not let us pretend it was never done.

So, next plan... we try to disguise it, and hide it.  We focus on our attention on excelling at other things, being the "decor" that will never let anyone see behind to the blemish our good ways are hiding.  And the ones we can't hide, we disguise. We maybe admit a little bit...like, "yeah, there's a spot there, but it's only small and I'm taking care of it, and it's really not that bad..."

But, those spots on our hearts just keep coming back to the surface. And, much like with my wall, we know that the only thing that will truly make that spot right again is to do the hard work.  Put the time and effort into it.  We have to get rid of the rough edges.  We have to completely expose the mistake. If we don't know how to sand and fill and smooth out that mistake, we need to ask for help.  We need to make sure someone experienced will look at the mess on the wall of our heart and be able to tell us exactly what tools we'll need and exactly how to do it.  Sanding down a spot like that is hard work.  We have to make it bigger first in order to smooth it out.   Just when you think you have it all leveled, you may have go back and work at it again. Often, this means getting help from a fresh pair of eyes. You need someone who can look objectively and tell you if your heart is level or not.  You need a friend, or a confidant...or a therapist!

Sometimes sanding it reveals other hidden cracks and holes, and sometimes other weak spots chip off. Just the thought of that makes me want to just leave that blemish there!  It may be a hot mess but I'm terrified of the bigger mess cleaning it up may cause. But I can't ignore it. Pieces will eventually begin to chip off on their own. It will get weaker.  And then the mess will be even harder to clean up.

If you make a mistake, and truly want to make it right, you have to do the hard work get to the root. You have to level it out.  Clean out all the bad stuff.  Once you finally, finally, get it all smooth, it's time to start over...time to paint it again. In this case, with my wall, I will need to paint the entire room. At the very least, you normally have to paint the entire wall, because the paint will fade over time and then that spot will still be noticeable, because it won't blend in. So, regardless, to truly make it better, you have to have a completely new, fresh coat of paint. You have to start from scratch. And you have to be willing to put the time and effort into making it ALL right again.

You have to do all of this to repair one little spot, one little mistake. All because of that thing you wanted.  Isn't that sad?

What's even sadder, is that, really, that wall will never be the same. It will always have that sanded down spot. It will always be a little uneven. There will still be times when the light hits it just right and you will see the ramifications of that long ago choice. 
But those brief moments can serve as reminders of why we should NOT make that same choice again.  If we let it.
Or we can continue to make the same mistake over and over again, and keep trying to cover up all the evidence of our mistakes, until the room in our heart is a scarred and ugly, jagged mess that will take way, way longer to clean up.
So, self, remember...even small mistakes can have big consequences. And it can take a long time to correct it. 
Which means, that quick decision that you know is wrong is really not worth it!
Stay away from quick fixes and things you know will end badly.

Just put down the Duct tape and walk away!  Because you know better!

Monday, May 2, 2016

I'm Not Enough

The moment I woke up this morning, the very moment my eyelids tried to raise, I felt that voice that all Moms know whisper "you aren't enough".  I tried to put my pillow over my head so I couldn't hear it. Ok, so I really just tried to go back to sleep, because I hate mornings! But I also wanted to not hear the voice. And, yet, it persisted. Because that's what it's good at.
I looked over at the clock and realized I had woken up AHEAD of my alarm clock, which is always a depressing thought by itself! But then I had the insane thought that I should go ahead and get up and get a good start on the day, and maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't be rushing to get the kids' lunches packed and grabbing some breakfast for myself as I toss air kisses at the kids and run out the door! That thought was followed by a quick inner "yeah, right!" And then just as quickly by my heavy lids closing back over my eyes!
But then the voice came again. It reminded me that, of course, I wouldn't get up early, and, of course, I would be rushing and giving the kids my leftover time, and, of course, I would be one minute late to work, because, after all, I'm not enough.
I hate that voice.
It's the voice of Mom-guilt. Really it's the voice of the Enemy, but at this moment it comes disguised in the voice of Mom-guilt!
Why do we, as Moms, always, always, always feel like we are not doing enough, not giving enough, not crafty enough, not sporty enough, not skinny enough, not pretty enough, not spending enough time...at even given moment, there is something that we are beating ourselves up about not being "enough" at.
Ya'll, I'm sick of it!
I've had enough of that enough!
All day long (on a Monday, no less!!!) that voice taunted me. It followed me to work. It followed me to lunch where I ate my yummy fried food. It followed me to the new gym membership where I worked off my yummy fried food! It followed me home and whispered that if I were skinny enough and ate good enough I wouldn't have to spend more time away from my family working out...
See! That voice is vicious! 
Well, it's time to get vicious back! It's time, as Moms, that we get proactive and take down that Mom-guilt!
I heard a very smart someone say a while back "If you worry about being a good parent, chances are good you probably are one!"  I'm going to say that quote applies to a lot of areas of womanhood! We worry because we WANT to be enough! We want our family's to succeed, to be great. We want our kids to grow up and go get awesome lives of their own. We want our husbands to WANT to to come home to us, to be proud of us. We want to fit into those darn skinny jeans!! Or least the skinny-ish jeans hiding in our closet!
But, in reality, none of those things are what makes us truly enough. I can multitask with the best of them! After all, isn't that the number one requirement for getting your Mom-Card?! However, even the best multitasker still worries about being enough, they still hear that voice whisper to them.  Don't be looking at their super green grass and thinking the think they are enough! They fight against the voice too!
So how do we stop it? Well, number one, we talk back!
That's right, Mommas!  All those times you've told your kids not to talk back, and now is your chance to have free reign! Don't get too excited though! It's not that kind of talking back!
You can't just tell yourself not to listen. That doesn't work. Or it might work, but only for a little while. When that voice starts talking, it's because it wants you to feel defeated. It wants you to quit. It wants you to struggle. And the struggle is real! (Sorry...had to throw that in there!)
This is spiritual warfare. And we do a disservice to ourselves as Moms when we classify it as anything minor! It's a major battle. And battle means war, and war means fighting, and fighting means using weapons.  Thankfully, you have a Leader who has fully equipped you with what you need.
Honestly, sometimes, I'm pretty weak. And I just don't much feel like fighting. I'd rather lie in bed, with pillow over my head, and give in to the ugly cry instead. But on those days, I have found that if all I can do is whisper the name of Jesus, it is enough.
Jesus is enough.
He's ALWAYS enough. And He gives us the enough to fight that voice.
Say it out loud, Mommas! There is power in His name.
When we let Him be our enough, it gives us the oomph to pull the pillow off our head and keep going. Or, sometimes, as the case may be, to STOP going so much!
My new favorite verse right now is Psalm 143:10...
"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good Spirit lead me on level ground!"
Isn't that an awesome prayer!
I need to remind myself of this every day. Ok, so more like every minute! I need to depend on God to lead me on level ground.  I need to ask Him to help me do HIS will; not mine, and not my kids, and not my husband's (can I get an AMEN!!), not my boss's, or that magazine cover, or my neighbor's stupid "I just had my 3rd baby and I'm skinny again"...wait, I digress! But you get the picture. 
I can run myself ragged, and feel like I'm constantly trudging uphill trying to be enough and trying to measure up to everyone else's enough, and I will never, ever actually feel like I'm enough.
Or, I can let Jesus be my enough, and I can let His good Spirit lead me on level ground!
When I hear that sneaky voice try to sneak up on me, I have to talk back by saying verses like this one. I have to tell that Enemy voice that Jesus is enough. I have to tell myself that, and I have to believe it.
Try it. Next time you hear that voice, just say "Jesus" out loud! Yes, out LOUD! No whispering, Mommas! Say it in your best "I mean business" voice. 
Because today you ARE enough.
And tomorrow, you may have to say it again. But that's ok.
Because Jesus is still enough tomorrow, too!






Sunday, May 1, 2016

Those People

We all have "those people" in our lives.
And, actually, most people have several different "those people".
Society pushes us to put people into categories: those poor people, those rich people, those mean people, those nice people, those pagan people, those Christian people, those ethnic people, those druggie people, those good people, those bad people, those gay people, those straight people...the list goes on and on. Opposite from society, Jesus pushes us toward seeing people as just one group of people: those people in need of a savior. That's what category we all fall in under his guidelines. Our category doesn't change when we get saved, because we still need him! The only thing that changes is that we acknowledge that we fall into that category and we look to him to ultimately one day bring us into our new category, which will be "those people who Jesus redeemed to a new body."
Jesus opened my eyes a few years ago to just what a labeler of people I was am (it's a daily struggle!). We automatically categorize people.  Even at the beginning of the world, the first people did this! They labeled each other, and looked down on others. They were horrible to each other. It's part of our depraved nature to look down on others, to judge them, to label them as beneath us, because it makes us feel better about ourselves.  It goes against everything in us to see everyone on an equal plain, and is especially difficult to see ourselves as WORSE than others. But that's what the Apostle Paul did...he said he was the chief of sinners! (I Timothy 1:18) I believe he was so able to offer grace to all those around him because he truly saw himself as one in need of the most grace. Those people around him just became people whom he wanted to also experience that same grace.
A lot of times, in my own life, I find I clump "those people" into that category the most because of lack of exposure. I feel uncomfortable because I only know what I've heard, or seen on TV. I let other people dictate the way I perceive certain groups of people. With a heavy heart, I have lately noticed that there is outright hatred in some Christian peoples' voices when they speak about certain of "those people."  This ought not to be. I know so many of us would disagree that we are ever guilty of this. Or we would justify our behavior by stating what "those people" do, or feel, or say, about us. But at the end of the day, we are know as Jesus' followers by how we love people. Not only good people, or nice people...but most definitely how we love the people who hate us. How can we possibly change the world if we snarl our noses at those people who need His grace? What if someone had snarled their nose at us, and considered us one of "those people" who were unredemptive, who were outside the reach of God's grace?
My challenge is this: honestly look in your heart and ask yourself ...If you were to be face to face with one of "those people" today, could you love them? Could you spend time with them? Could you feel compassion for them? Why not? Do you find yourself clumping all sorts people into one category? For instance, thinking all Transgender people are horrible people, or are pedophiles and sex addicts? Thinking all Gay people are gross? Thinking all people with piercings and tatoos probably are drug addicts who just got out of jail? Thinking all black people are thugs? Thinking all Muslims hate Americans? It's when we let ourselves get stuck in "those people ALL" way of thinking that we stop seeing people as individuals.  We don't offere grace, and we don't care, and we fear, and we hate. I challenge you to spend some time with "those people", whoever they are in your life.
Jesus commanded us in John 13:34 & 35 that we are to love others just as He has loved us. He loved me when I didn't love him, when I hated him, when I was dirty and unworthy. He spent time wooing me to him. In verse 35 of John 13, Jesus says "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if have love for one another."
So, don't avoid "those people". Go love 'em! That love is what draws those people in. It's what they need the most. It shows them who God is. It helps them become "HIS PEOPLE".

A Limitless View of God

 I’ve been thinking a lot the last few months about my tendency to limit God by the limits that I, myself, am most comfortable working in.  ...