Do You Want to Get Well

If you are spending all your time and effort constantly trying to drag someone else away from the edge of a cliff, trying to rescue them from their poor choices - it’s not healthy. It will only exhaust you and put your life in danger as well. 

You are not responsible for making sure someone else makes good choices. 

You cannot “love someone enough” to change them. They have to decide to change for themselves. 

If they really want to go over the cliff, sooner or later - they will. The only choice you really have is whether you let them take you with them. 

It’s scary and hard to let go. I know. 

I struggled on the edge of that cliff myself several times, clinging tightly to my person, trying to keep them safe, feeling like it was my responsibility, my duty. I know that you physically hurt at the thought of watching them fall. I know you feel like if you let go, it means you’re giving up on them. 

You are not.

Please hear me say that again - letting go doesn’t mean giving up. It means you are giving them over. It means you are surrendering them to the consequences of their choices and finally trusting God with their life and with your own. It means you’ve decided to stop striving; to stop participating in behavior that hurts you. And that surrender will ultimately lead to a place of so much peace and healing for you. 

If they choose to go down into the pit - dear friend, let go. And ask God to help you. 

Did you know that the Hebrew word in the Bible that means “be still” also means “let go?” 

It’s the verb, “raphah.” 

So, in the well-known verse of Psalm 46:10, when it says, “Be still, and know that I am God” it is also essentially saying “Let go, stop striving, surrender - and see that I am God, and I am in control. Not you.” Even more interestingly, the root word of this word is “rapha” (minus the last ‘h’), and it means “to heal.” 

Letting go is a pathway to healing. That’s really beautiful when you think about it. And really hard. We often think holding on and tightly grasping onto control is the way we make something better…safer. But the healing is found when we let go. 

Several months ago, I sat in my therapist’s office, crying on her couch for the umpteenth time because of a broken heart and broken dreams. She told me, “You have to find a way to let go of ____.” At the time, I remember thinking in frustration, “Okay, fine, what is the way to do that? I am so ready to not be this sad messy human!” 

I wish I could tell you I found the exact 3 step method! But the truth is, all of our paths look different. So, the way there is different for each of us. But the key, the first step, is the same! 

The key is where we go to find the way. Do we go to self-help books? Church? Teachers? Friends? Ourselves? 

Or do we truly surrender our healing to Jehovah-Rapha, the Great Healer? Do we let go of our need to figure it out, and just “raphah” to “Rapha?” 

Stop looking for healing in places that cannot heal you. It's like going to a mechanic because YOU are sick! Or taking your car to your family doctor! In their places, in the right context, those things are helpful. But healing is only found in the hands of the Healer.

You also can't heal what you won't reveal. If you go to the doctor because you have a gaping wound on your arm, but you tell them your stomach hurts, your arm is not going to get treatment, and it's probably only going to get worse. Similarly, you can drag someone else to the doctor...but you cannot make them be honest about what is really making them sick if they don't want to heal. They have to choose it for themselves. That's the reason Jesus asked the paralytic man at the pool of Bethesda, "Do you want to get well? Then pick up your bed and walk." The path toward healing was offered, the steps away from the edge of the cliff were made clear, but the man had to actively choose it and participate in it himself. (John 5)

Trying to heal that other person will never, ever heal them or you. Trying to be the perfect spouse will never, ever heal a marriage in which the other person is self-destructing. Trying to heal yourself without giving yourself completely to the Healer will never produce lasting change. 

You cannot change yourself by yourself. And you cannot change someone else. 

You have to let go. You have to be still, quiet your heart, stop trying to control what scares you, and let God be God. He’s so much better at it than we are! Do you want to get well? Listen and obey the Healer.