Lately, I feel this bubbling up of "stuff" inside me.
It's like an over-full closet that you can barely close the door on.
Some of it's my junk. Some of it is my family's junk. But some of it just showed up and doesn't belong to me at all, and I'm not sure how it got even got there!
But the same thing is true with all of it...to get rid of it, I have to deal with it. I have to touch it and look at it and ask myself honest questions about whether it deserves to stay or needs to get the heck out and quit using my space.
Here's the truth: Things are real.
Struggles are real.
Life is real.
And it's also really tough.
Too often, when tough things come along, we shove them in the closet and close the door.
Sometimes, it's because they make us sad. Sometimes, it because we are ashamed of them. Sometimes...usually... it's just because we are not sure how to handle them and we don't want anyone to know that!
Well, I'm tired of doing that.
I just want to always be REAL with people.
I feel like for the last 10 years or so God has had my husband and I both on a journey of learning how to leave the closet door open, of letting God direct certain people towards us and being willing to share all our hidden realness with them.
It's very scary, but also very freeing.
I am a slight hoarder. Not the crazy TV show kind! But I keep things. I hate to get rid of stuff because I'm afraid I might regret it. Also, I grew up in a religious setting where you always had to look like you were the perfect Christian. You did not admit faults, or struggles. You hoarded them away in secret. You kept the door on that closet full of junk closed tightly and woe to the one did not!
You know what I'd like to do in life? I'd like to swing my closet door open. I'd like to have an EMPTY closet. Wouldn't you? What if I got rid of the stuff that was useless and then all my "me" stuff was on display in my living room instead? Wouldn't it just look LIVED IN?
But what holds us back the most is each other. We are so worried if someone sees inside my closet, they will talk bad about me, treat me differently, see me differently, not be my friend, etc.
It's scary.
It definitely takes lots of courage to swing that door wide open!
If I do...would there be anything that would change how you feel about me?
If you found out I was struggling with something would you offer help, or just talk about me?
I want the closet door of my heart open.
I do.
I'm just scared to let you see...
