Monday, September 19, 2011

How I'm Learning NOT to be Selfish (I'm VERY selfish!)

NOTE TO SELF...when you ask God to help you be more reflective of Him, to be a true servant, be prepared for a total makeover!  I did that, back in February. And, wow. What a ride.
I should have spent the last eight months catalogging which particular flaw of mine that God was breaking down that month...I feel like He's a picked a different one each month to help me work on!
This month's must be my selfish, self-absorbed attitude. After a series of my own unfortunate events I was brought face to face yet again with that huge God-sized mirror and found myself incredibly lacking.
I'm selfish.
I want to do things for God...as long as I don't have to go too far out of my way to do it. I want to help other people...as long as it doesn't cost me too much of my own time.  I want to be busy at church...as long as I still get to sleep in.  I want to be a good steward...as long as I still get to buy things I want. And the list really honestly could go on and on.
So, what do I do about it? That's what I wondered. I asked Peter how you were supposed to change something that was so deeply ingrained into who you are, especially if you felt like you had been that way forever?
His repsonse was, "What does God say about it in His Word?" (Typical guy, right?! Giving the obvious answer! Just kidding, honey! I love the way you lead me towards God!)
So, what does God's word say? How do you put off selfishness and become more selfless?
Well, there are countless verses that talk about "putting off" the old you and putting on attributes of God (Eph 4:24).
So, I asked God to show me how to do that.  (Please refer to above NOTE TO SELF. ugh.)

What did God answer? Well, as I sat in a new Bible Study class I'm doing on Thursday mornings, just for moms, God spoke to my heart a task, a job, that would take me FAR out of my comfort zone, invade my personal space, and just basically take away any time for "self" that I have. It was a call to show compassion on someone in need. To offer them hospitality, my own things, and time with my family. It took me 24 hours for me to realize this was God's answer to my question about putting off my selfish attitude. How better to counter a selfish attitude than by bringing someone else into the equation that would force me to not make anything about myself? Was I excited about it? No. To be perfectly honest, I am still not. However, I have reconciled myself to the fact that if I truly want to learn NOT to be so self-absorbed, this is what God's asking of me.
Where did I gather strength to take the first step? The places that I've always found strength before...God's promises. He's never let me down.
After all, He knows each step of the way, He knows the good path He has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and I know that I have to seek Him in order to find it - Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart."
So, no more excuses, no more hesitating, no more killing time...
Here I come Lord, seeking...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Excuses, Excuses!

Yesterday, while I was just sitting, listening to someone talk, my brain and heart were suddenly flooded with thoughts of something I felt God might be calling me to do, something that would take me outside of my comfort zone. So what did I do? I fell to my knees and immediately began to see what God would have me do, calling out to him, Here I am Lord, use me!
Um, no.
Unfortunately I cannot say that.
I wish I could. But instead, the truth is, I immediately began to think of all the reasons and excuses why God would NOT call me to do that. Excuse after excuse flooded my mind, and before long, I had almost talked myself into the notion that it had only been a crazy thought, burgeoning in my mind due to sleepless nights and too much stress. Not a God thought. No way. Twenty-four hours later I am still plagued by this thought that keeps coming, but I just keep running from it, making a my "pros and cons" list in my head, giving myself a thousand excuses of why this could never work.
Of course it couldn't be from God. After all, we all know that God ONLY calls people to do things that are easy and make complete sense to the doer. Right? I mean, come on, look at all the examples of people in the Bible that God called to...oh, wait.
Hm.
God does interrupt our carefully planned lives in order to bring Him glory.
I remembered the person in the Bible that I had been studying the last few weeks whose life was completely interrupted and turned upside down by a calling from God. Jonah.
God called Jonah to go do something that was WAY out of his comfort zone and made absolutely no sense to him. God wanted Jonah to go preach to his enemies, and Jonah decided that made no sense and so he went the other way.  And, eventually, after being swallowed by a fish, vomited out, obeying, preaching, then pouting, then fianlly, he maybe saw the bigger picture of what God was trying to accomplish with his life.
So the bigger question here is - Do I want to be swallowed up by the busyness of my life, until it vomits me out, because that's MY plan. Or, will I quit making excuses and take a moment to put myself aside and ask God what He wants to do with me? 
God sees the bigger picture. The beauty of the ending of Jonah's story in the Bible is seeing how God used it all to shed light on His thoughts, and grace, to a rebellious nation AND a rebellious and stubborn man who was hesitant to cooperate.  He kept after Jonah, continually molding his heart into His likeness...and saved a nation along the way too.
God's plans are bigger than my little day-to-day plans. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God knows the plans He has for us, plans full of hope and a future....but verse 13 says we'll only find those "good plans" if we seek God with all our hearts.
Guess that means no more excuses.  And much more seeking.
God wants to do big things with me, and with you, and sometimes, like Jonah, that may mean stepping WAY out of our comfort zone. But, it also may mean the salvation of someone else. Is it worth it?
Or do I need to be vomited out first?
Eww! I hope not.

A Limitless View of God

 I’ve been thinking a lot the last few months about my tendency to limit God by the limits that I, myself, am most comfortable working in.  ...