We really honestly have no idea what we are doing after this... A full year ago I felt God whisper in my heart "you're going to sell your house."
I was at one of my cleaning jobs at the time, listening to a sermon podcast about trusting God. Immediately, I burst into tears. Happy tears for joy of feeling God's guidance in my life, and nervous anxious tears for what that guidance might cost. I've always told people that one of the coolest things I've experienced in my walk with God is how personal he is with each of us! He knows I'm a nervous step-taker who likes to pretend that I'm in charge and does not like change! And so, on the rare occasion that I'm walking close enough to him to hear his voice, he always gives me a heads up that change is a-coming! Peter is more a spontaneous person and he loves change! All God has to do with him is point him in the right direction and he's off and running. The coolest part of those two things is that God uniquely made us and bonded us together to perfectly balance one another.
A few moths ago everything started to fall into place and the same week we both just knew that God was telling us to sell our house NOW. At first we kept trying to figure out what that meant and what house we were moving to...but then we both very clearly felt like God was saying for us to obey first, put our house on the market, and just wait for the next step. So, against all my control-freak ways, we did it! I freely admit that in back of my heart I believed this was maybe an Abraham/Isaac test of faith! Maybe we wouldn't actually sell the house but God would reveal the next step after we put it on the market!!
Well, our house sold in 9 days, we close in 2 weeks, and we are still waiting for that next step! Every day is a new lesson in trusting God!
From the get-go we have felt this whole time like God wanted us to sell the house before he was going to let us know what was next, and he apparently meant it, because every door we've tried to force open has slammed shut!
So, as of today, 5 days before we are officially out of our home, we still don't have a place lined up to be our permanent residence. And, maybe that's exactly the way God wants it! If so, I know his plan and his ways and his timing is so much better than mine could ever be. I may kick and scream and drag my heels against that truth most of the time, but at the end of the day I also know I can rest in it!
We have to store most of our stuff so we prayed about it and decided to just sell some of the bigger pieces so we don't have to worry about moving them or storing them. We had to look and ask, is keeping this stuff really important? It's just stuff.
Yesterday we finally decided we are staying with Peter's parents for a few weeks. They could use the help... Our house went on the market the weekend that his Dad had surgery and found out he has terminal cancer. Coincidence? I think not.
Peter's parents are actually thinking about selling their house and want to downsize to something smaller on one level that's easier for them to manage. So, while we are there, we can help them get everything ready and help them with cleaning and caring for the yard and even cooking. Living with his parents (as much as we LOVE them!) is not what we would want to do for our first option, but if that's the way God's pushing then we are trying to just go with it. Of course, that's OUR tentative plan and that could all change and we could totally end up living who knows where?!! Again, I clearly feel that God is leading us first up to very edge, to the "brink" (like it says in Joshua 3) before he gives us the next instructions. We sign the final papers on October 3. Maybe we will know more after that?
A few moths ago everything started to fall into place and the same week we both just knew that God was telling us to sell our house NOW. At first we kept trying to figure out what that meant and what house we were moving to...but then we both very clearly felt like God was saying for us to obey first, put our house on the market, and just wait for the next step. So, against all my control-freak ways, we did it! I freely admit that in back of my heart I believed this was maybe an Abraham/Isaac test of faith! Maybe we wouldn't actually sell the house but God would reveal the next step after we put it on the market!!
Well, our house sold in 9 days, we close in 2 weeks, and we are still waiting for that next step! Every day is a new lesson in trusting God!
From the get-go we have felt this whole time like God wanted us to sell the house before he was going to let us know what was next, and he apparently meant it, because every door we've tried to force open has slammed shut!
So, as of today, 5 days before we are officially out of our home, we still don't have a place lined up to be our permanent residence. And, maybe that's exactly the way God wants it! If so, I know his plan and his ways and his timing is so much better than mine could ever be. I may kick and scream and drag my heels against that truth most of the time, but at the end of the day I also know I can rest in it!
We have to store most of our stuff so we prayed about it and decided to just sell some of the bigger pieces so we don't have to worry about moving them or storing them. We had to look and ask, is keeping this stuff really important? It's just stuff.
Yesterday we finally decided we are staying with Peter's parents for a few weeks. They could use the help... Our house went on the market the weekend that his Dad had surgery and found out he has terminal cancer. Coincidence? I think not.
Peter's parents are actually thinking about selling their house and want to downsize to something smaller on one level that's easier for them to manage. So, while we are there, we can help them get everything ready and help them with cleaning and caring for the yard and even cooking. Living with his parents (as much as we LOVE them!) is not what we would want to do for our first option, but if that's the way God's pushing then we are trying to just go with it. Of course, that's OUR tentative plan and that could all change and we could totally end up living who knows where?!! Again, I clearly feel that God is leading us first up to very edge, to the "brink" (like it says in Joshua 3) before he gives us the next instructions. We sign the final papers on October 3. Maybe we will know more after that?
I'm learning to live a day at a time and it's been cool seeing things fall into place. However, it is also nerve-wracking and stressful and I think Peter and I have gotten into more arguments in the last month than we have in the last 12 years! And, ironically enough, that in itself has pushed us to dig deeper in our marriage and in our communication with one another.
We truly honestly are just taking it one day at a time, one step at a time. I am constantly reminded of two stories in the Bible: (1) when God told Abram to pack up his family and leave his homeland and go to "a place that He would show him"....God didn't reveal the next step of that plan to Abram until he obeyed and left his home and started off on the journey; and (2) when God told the children of Israel to cross the Jordan river, he told them that he wouldn't reveal the path across until the priests took the first step into the raging water and the soles of their feet were wet...then, when they stepped out in faith, He opened the waters and made a way for safe passage across!
Peter and I just finished leading our small group thru the "Experiencing God" study and it's been amazing to watch all of us in the group experience God working in our lives. I believe He ALWAYS is, we just aren't always listening! My prayer this last year has been for God to help me love Him more today than yesterday, and to love and see others the way He does. It has been a life-changing prayer.
Anyway, at the end of the day, Peter and I want to be where God wants us to be, and want to be used to further His kingdom, whether that means living here in Clarksville in a nice house with his parents, maybe taking care of them, and serving in our church, or whether that means living in a tiny apartment in St Louis and preaching the Gospel to a group of people who desperately needs to hear it, or whether it means something entirely different that I haven't even considered yet (that's probably it!!)...
Peter and I just finished leading our small group thru the "Experiencing God" study and it's been amazing to watch all of us in the group experience God working in our lives. I believe He ALWAYS is, we just aren't always listening! My prayer this last year has been for God to help me love Him more today than yesterday, and to love and see others the way He does. It has been a life-changing prayer.
Anyway, at the end of the day, Peter and I want to be where God wants us to be, and want to be used to further His kingdom, whether that means living here in Clarksville in a nice house with his parents, maybe taking care of them, and serving in our church, or whether that means living in a tiny apartment in St Louis and preaching the Gospel to a group of people who desperately needs to hear it, or whether it means something entirely different that I haven't even considered yet (that's probably it!!)...
It has been a very humbling journey and I'm positive the lessons in humility are not close to being over! We are still very full of ourselves!! Our daily prayer is, "Lord- less of me, more of You."
Don't think I'm not scared or worried or stressed or anxious!! I am all of those things and it changes from minute to minute. But I'm also overflowing with hope, and love, and God's abundant grace!
I am also feeling extremely blessed and honored to be walking this journey with this awesome husband that God has given me! His desire to walk with God, to seek Him, to lead our family and teach our kids about trusting God, astounds me every day!
Minute by minute, trusting God...that's all I can do! Thankfully, it's more than enough! He's never let me down. And He never will!
God will continue to lead you. Not knowing is always scary and yet your faith has allowed you to move forward. I am looking forward to hearing the rest of your story. Blessings, Ellen
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