(originally written in October 2022)
Twenty-four months.
I have lived on my own for twenty-four months.
On this particular day in October 2020, my kids and I returned from a
beautiful week on the beaches of the Emerald Shores with my mom and sister. My
husband picked us up at the airport and my kids jabbered to him on the way home
about their vacation. When we got home, I rolled my suitcase into my closet and
stopped in shock. My husband’s side of the closet was completely empty. Bare. I
whirled and looked at the nightstand on his side of the bed. Empty. When I
asked him about it, he told me he had moved out while we were gone. Just like
that. Then he hugged the kids - and he left.
That night, I sat in the floor in that closet, staring at the large empty space where his stuff had shared space with my stuff for almost eighteen years, and wept in shock and sadness and hurt and fear. That moment will probably always be a marked moment in my mind, even more so then the day he told me he wanted a divorce. There was something so harshly final and cruel and lonely about that unexpected empty closet.
I didn’t know how I would make it on my own. Financially, it was impossible. I had no savings on my own. My husband had withdrawn it all and closed our savings account the day before he told me he wanted a divorce. I didn’t make enough money on my own to even pay all the bills, much less merely live.
But God held my heart that night in that empty closet, and He asked me to trust Him to fill all my empty places. And He proceeded to show me every day just how trustworthy He is.
Twenty-four months.
For twenty-four months God has supplied my every need. He has given me abundantly more than I ever dreamed. He has been my second income for twenty-four months. And He has never, ever not provided for me.
• When I didn’t know how I would afford to hire a divorce
attorney - a friend handed me a check for two thousand dollars and said, “This
is a gift. Go get an attorney. Let me know if you need more.”
• When my refrigerator broke - a friend purchased a brand
new one for me and had it delivered that day.
• When I needed a new car when used cars were more
expensive than ever, but I only had small funds - a friend basically gave me
her Jeep before she moved across the country.
• When I thought I was $250 short one month due to
medical bills, I got a refund in the mail for $250 from another doctor I had
“overpaid.”
• Though many people resented the COVID stimulus funds -
that unexpected extra income got me through many of those first months in 2020.
• When I had a limited amount of time to refinance my
house to remove my ex-husband’s name or risk losing the home for my kids...and it looked like it would indeed be lost - God orchestrated a series of crazy unexplainable events which equated to people handing me the necessary money and closing on my house with three days to spare.
• Last year, I felt like God was telling me to go to school. I hesitated because I kept asking, for what? But God just said, Go. So, I researched a couple schools, found one that I thought would not be super expensive, and I went. But then - I found out my job pays for one course a semester, so that helped! But wait! Then, thanks to my single income and single mom of two dependents status, I more than qualified for several grants. So, unexpectedly, not only is school costing me NOTHING, but I am also getting PAID to go. It’s providing extra income! God knew that would happen. I didn’t. He knew it would serve a dual purpose. He knew my circumstances provided me with a perfect set-up to build my future.
I have stories like that for every month.
For twenty-four months.
I can’t even remember them all. And not just my needs!
God is so gracious that He gives us MORE. Exceedingly more!
• When I wanted to take my kids to ride roller coasters
for the first time before my son graduated, but it would be expensive, God gave
me the EXACT amount of three season passes in an unexpected work bonus and I
knew God said - Go build memories with your kids!
• When I saw a Christian music camp that my son would love that cost $800, and found out they were giving away one scholarship, I asked everyone I knew to nominate Caynin. He didn’t win - but God still had perfect timing in an better gift, and a friend randomly offered to sponsor him and wrote me a check that day for $800.
Unexpectedly.
Abundantly.
God continually heaps unexpected blessings and kindness
and goodness on me.
Sometimes in big ways. Sometimes in small things, like unexpected paid time off of work when I’m feeling overwhelmed!
We will always have unexpected, good and bad things in our lives. God redeems them all. All things work together for the good of those who love Him, according to His purpose.
He has a purpose and a plan for every unexpected thing in our lives.
My divorce was completely unexpected.
I never thought it could happen. Not to us.
But through these last twenty-four months, in the middle of the saddest thing in my life, I have also experienced the most joy with God and the most abundant blessings from my Savior.
When I felt abandoned and unloved by the man who promised to be with me forever, I ended up feeling more seen and loved and cared for by the God of the universe than I ever have.
When I felt like my expected future was taken from me, God showed me that the unexpected plans He has are far better than any of my expectations.
Twenty-four months ago, I sat in that empty
closet listening to the enemy tell me things were impossible, that I was
unloved and not worth fighting for.
In my despair, I almost listened.
But, like Psalm 40 says - “God drew me out of the pit and He set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings. He has put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God. Many shall see and fear and put their trust and confident reliance in the Lord. Blessed (happy, fortunate) is the man who makes the Lord his refuge and trust, who does not turn to the proud, or to those who go astray after a lie!”
24 has always been my favorite number.
It’s fitting that twenty-four months after sitting in
that closet of despair I am now standing in absolute joy and blessing and the
fullness of the love of the Lord.
That’s what God can do.
He sees you, friend. Right there in your desolate place.
In your empty closet.
In your brokenheartedness and loneliness.
He’s holding out His hand, asking you to trust Him. And you can! You
can trust Him with all the unexpected things.
God's unexpected way is so much better than our expected plans.
When it feels impossible, it’s just a huge opportunity
for God to do the unexpected!
